Everything You Need To Know About Monkey Whizz Synthetic Urine
Monkey Whizz is one of the most memorable fake urine brands out there because of its name. But is it just a marketing trick, or also good quality fake urine?
What I’m going to do here is break everything down for you. I’ll tell you exactly what Monkey Whizz is, and clear up confusion around what people are referring to when they mention it.I’ll also tell you what’s in Monkey Whizz, and how it stacks up against competitors like Quick Fix and Sub Solution, both in terms of how it looks, and its composition.
Then we will go through the full instructions for using Monkey Whizz the best way, so you stand the best chance of passing a drug test using it. I will also cover when Monkey Whizz isn’t suitable.
Then we will finish by talking about where to buy Monkey Whizz, and how to avoid the pitfalls of ending up with a fake product that doesn’t work at all.
What’s With The Stupid Name?
Part of the problem people have with Monkey Whizz is that it’s a name that is difficult to take seriously.Even worse, the company that makes it is called “Serious Monkey Bizness”. Now that all sounds cute and fun, but it doesn’t really betray a serious image. When you compare Monkey Whizz as a brand to Clear Choice and their marketing of Sub Solution, both in naming, text, and visuals, it’s like night and day.
So it’s little wonder that people are suspicious of Monkey Whizz as a brand. It just doesn’t seem like it’s a serious fake urine product designed to pass a drug test.
Now on the surface that’s true, because they can’t market themselves as passing drug tests legally in the USA, although Clear Choice don’t seem to have a problem achieving that on their own website.
There are large disclaimers on the Monkey Whizz website as well saying that you can’t:
“Serious Monkey Business only sells NOVELTY PRODUCTS
If you are here to BEAT A DRUG TEST
None of that is very inspiring to a visitor, or to someone who’s just heard about Monkey Whizz online and is looking to buy by researching first.
But the truth is that Monkey Whizz actually is a good fake urine product that can pass a drug test. I know people who have passed using Monkey Whizz, and its composition definitely allows you to do that.
How Good Is Monkey Whizz Fake Pee?
In terms of quality, fake urine has to contain the basics which will allow it to be checked for validity and pass.
These basics are:
- Must look like urine
- Must contain urea
- Has to contain uric acid
- Must contain creatinine
- Has to be balanced for ph. and specific gravity
I can tell you, that Monkey Whizz achieves all these things. So it does have the basics that would help you to pass a drug test.
Let me say that with a huge caveat though.
Those things are all that Monkey Whizz contains. For a basic pre-employment drug test, it could be good enough to pass.
Here’s how it works when you have a drug test.
You hand the sample over, and they check the temperature to see that it’s within the legal permitted range between 90°F and 100°F. They will then check that it’s a valid sample. They do this by running some simple dipstick tests on the sample, usually pretty soon after you have handed your sample over and left.
Those validity checks can include looking for the basic ingredients in urine, checking that it’s not adulterated, that it’s not diluted, and they may visually look at it as well. If it all looks good, and they don’t have any concerns, they will check it against the panels the presence of the various types of drug metabolites.
That’s the level of drug test that Monkey Whizz will pass, and for most people that’s going to be fine.
However, if the sample is flagged, or is deemed suspicious, then they will undertake a more rigorous analysis. Some companies have devices that can spot a lot more during the initial validity checks:
“Devices such as the Intact 7 (Branan Medical Corp, Irvine, CA), Mask Ultra Screen (Kacey, Asheville, NC), AdultaCheck 4, and AdultaCheck 6 (both from Chimera Research and Chemical Inc, Tampa, FL) have been developed to assess the integrity of urine samples.
These tests all detect validity parameters, such as creatinine and pH, but vary in their detection of adulterants, such as bleach, glutaraldehyde, PCC, nitrites, and oxidants.”
Generally, suspicious samples then go through the full urinalysis. If it’s not flagged as fake, then you will pass. However, if it’s still suspicious, then it could undergo a full mass chromatography – gas spectrometry analysis, and only the top brands like Sub Solution will fool that level of analysis.
So as you can see, Monkey Whizz will pass a basic drug test. But it won’t get you through a more rigorous analysis, should the suspicion be thrown onto your sample at an early stage.
Let’s Clear Up Confusion Around Monkey Whizz Products
Let’s start this section by explaining to you exactly what Monkey Whizz is. For a start, it’s not the brand, that’s Serious Monkey Bizness.
Monkey Whizz isn’t even the only product they sell. These are the Monkey Whizz range of products:
- Monkey Dong (a prosthetic penis and urine kit)
- Monkey Whizz (urine, heat pads, belts)
- Monkey Flask (premixed fake urine and heatpad)
- Monkey Urine (vial of powdered urine)
As you can see, Monkey Whizz is only one of the products in the range. The others aren’t called that, even though people seem to refer to all of them as “Monkey Whizz”.
Monkey urine is useless. You don’t get a heatpad, or any transport method. It’s just literally a plastic container with powdered urine in it that you have to mix with water.
Monkey Flask is what people actually mostly refer to as Monkey Whizz. It’s premixed urine with a heatpad, you simply heat it up and submit. For the rest of this review in fact, when I’m talking about Monkey Whizz, I’m actually talking about the Monkey Flask product.
Monkey Whizz is the same premixed urine, but in a belt. It comes with very thin heat pads that you put into the belt, and it has an attached dispenser. It’s therefore designed to submit your sample in a natural position. That implies it’s to be used for supervised drug testing, but I sure as hell wouldn’t use something like that to try and pass a drug test with someone in the room.
Monkey Dong is also for supervised drug testing, but rather than just a tube and tap dispenser, it has a full prosthetic attached. For me, although it may look natural from a distance, it’s just such a risk that I can’t believe anybody would use it
Does Monkey Whizz Stack Up Against The Opposition?
So now you understand exactly what Monkey Whizz is, and the exact product we are really talking about, let’s discuss how the Monkey Flask product stacks up against the competitors out there.
The two main competitors are Sub Solution and Quick Fix.
Let’s tackle Quick Fix first. In fact, it’s almost identical to Monkey Whizz. Quick Fix and Monkey Whizz both retail at around $30 (for the Flask product).
Both of these products are also the same composition, containing only the basics of urea, uric acid, and creatinine. They also look like urine, but they don’t really froth or smell like it. They will pass a quick visual scrutiny though.
Therefore, Quick Fix and Monkey Flask are both good enough to pass a basic pre-employment drug test, but under closer scrutiny they are going to fall apart.
When it comes to Monkey Whizz Vs Sub Solution, it’s like apples and oranges. In fact, it’s like saying your basic Ford car is the same as a top end Mercedes-Benz because they are both cars.
Sub Solution contains 14 chemicals found in urine. It froths, smells, and looks like urine. It’s just nothing like Monkey Whizz, or Quick Fix, in terms of capability.
So Quick Fix and Monkey Whizz are pretty close, but Sub Solution is a head and shoulders above both.
Monkey Whizz Synthetic Urine Instructions
Now you understand exactly what Monkey Whizz is, and what it’s not, let’s talk you through the full instructions you will need to use to use it successfully.
Here are the preparation instructions Monkey Whizz:
Activate the supplied heat pad first. That will give it a few moments to start pumping out heat at a steady rate, and warm up. Then when you attach it to the sample, the sample won’t cool because the heatpad isn’t warm enough.
- Stage II of the process of using Monkey Whizz is to put it in the microwave and heat it on full power for about 10 seconds. Remove it, shake it gently, and check the temperature strip. If there’s no reading on the side of the bottle, do it for another 10 seconds. Do it slowly like this until you get a reading because if it goes above 100°F, you still won’t get a reading, meaning you could be dramatically overheating it. The temperature strip only registers at between 90°F and 100°F.
- You will then use tape to attach the heatpad to the sample. Make sure it’s done securely so they don’t separate in transit.
- You’ll be wearing two pairs of underwear. Tuck it between the two pairs. This will keep it secure, and keep it close to your skin, helping the heat pad to keep it close to body temperature.
- Put on baggy jogging bottoms, and then go and submit your sample. As long as it’s not a more rigorous drug test where you are supervised, then you will not be searched in any way. However, it’s also important to understand that even for supervised drug test you won’t be physically searched, but you will be indirectly observed, making pouring from a bottle impossible. Monkey Whizz is really only suitable for an unsupervised drug test where you are out of sight when you submit your sample.
Those are the steps to using Monkey Whizz, but I want to cover one important point in detail because it’s the thing you can personally do to mostly guarantee will pass.
The evidence to me suggests that most people fail when using synthetic urine because they submit it outside the correct temperature range, outside that legal temperature range between 90°F and 100°F.
They either don’t check properly, or they do, and hope it’s okay even though the sample has cooled.
My top tip is this. Just before you go into the building, check the temperature strip. If it’s cooling too much, if it’s close to 90°F, or has stopped registering, then heat it up.
You can do this by taking a flask of hot, not boiling, water with you. Simply keep pouring water over the sample until it warms up enough to register on the temperature strip.
Alternatives To Synthetic Urine
Before I finish this review, I want to talk about the alternatives to using synthetic urine.
If you’re facing a supervised drug test, then synthetic urine is not really going to work, unless you have nerves of steel, and some luck (as well as the right equipment).
For me, if you’re facing a supervised drug test, then your best strategies are either to do a natural detox and accelerate the time it takes using detox pills, or to detox for as many days before your test as you can, and then use a high-quality detox drink.
Either of those strategies will work better than synthetic urine for supervised drug test.
In terms of unsupervised drug test, although fake urine is simply the best way of passing if you pick the right brand and get lucky, a detox drink can also work really well. Ultra Eliminex is a great choice if you intend to use a detox drink.
However, in terms of percentage chance of passing, as long as it’s a good brand and within the correct temperature range, fake urine I estimate will pass 95% of the time, whereas a detox drink will pass around 80% of the time, maybe a bit higher you detox for more than a couple of days.
So in terms of your chances of passing, fake urine, prepared correctly, and use for an unsupervised drug test, is the most surefire way of passing.
How And Where To Buy Monkey Whizz
Let’s finish up here by telling you where to buy Monkey Whizz, and how to avoid getting caught out from buying a fake. My top tip is to avoid buying Monkey Whizz, or in fact any drug test avoidance product, through Amazon, eBay, or any other marketplace website.
There are just too many fakes out there. If you buy one, how are you going to know? You’ll use it, fail, and then just think it’s a poor-quality product.
My advice is always the same, make sure you buy the product from the main company website or an authorized reseller.
If Monkey Whizz is filling you with confidence, then why not read my detailed review of Quick Fix, to see if that’s a better budget alternative?
However, my final advice here is to go for Sub Solution synthetic urine if you’ve got the money.
Monkey Whizz is $39.9, Quick Fix is $39.9. You get what you pay for though.
Sub Solution costs $85. For that, you get a highly complex synthetic urine powder. You mix it with filtered water, and you go and submit your sample.
Just before you go in, you don’t have to mess around the heat pads to check the temperature, you simply tap in around one-third of the heat activator powder that you need to clear choice urine products.
The heat activator powder is friction to heat the liquid. Around one-third is usually enough to get it to within the correct temperature range. It will dissolve completely, and be undetectable.
So Sub Solution is more complex in the formula, and it gives you complete control over the sample temperature right up until the moment you walk into the building.
I used Quick Fix to pass a drug test once, and if I was starting again, I’d be happy to use Monkey Whizz instead. If I didn’t have much money, or I didn’t really care about the drug test, then I’d also consider using Monkey Whizz, as it’s a very good budget fake urine product.
But my final word here has to be to advise you to go for Sub Solution if you’ve got more money. It’s simply a better quality product, and you’ll stand far more chance of passing, even if the drug test goes right up to that top level gas chromatography-mass spectrometry analysis.